So my Tuesday chill-out made it to Wednesday's entree for this blogpost.
Was having drinks with someone from my family last night and I was randomly asked this question - "Does a difference in age matter in a relationship?"
And before anyone attempts to attack my views, this is my opinion. Which I'm entitled to. So below, is my answer on the subject.
Older Men-Younger Women
I'm ok with this combo. I feel older men are way more dignified, dependable, respected, reliable, protective and more often than not, they are financially stable. And all those, are traits as to why the majority of girls prefer an older man.
When it comes to the age difference however, i feel that anywhere between 1-12 years of a man being older than his wife is acceptable. But if you're thinking of marrying a man who is old enough to be your father, you may wanna rethink that. Because when you hit your prime age, he may already be qualified to be in a nursing home. No pun intended, yea. Do the math and look at yourselves 20 years from now.
If you're the 'older than her father' man, how will it feel to be unable to do many things in later years while your wife is still able and capable? And if you're the very much younger wife, are you able to cope with and willing to sacrifice being tied down looking after a very senior husband in his old age while you're still enjoying the stuff that he's no longer able to?
Older Women-Younger Men
Unless the age gap between them is only about 2-3 years, my answer is nope. Because, no offence to anyone but it has been scientifically proven that a woman matures mentally faster than a man. And I couldn't agree more.
That is why these kinds of relationships hardly work, especially if you have a younger partner who thrives on childish charades, sulk when they don't get their way or make a big deal over issues that are lame and trivial. We've been there, done that - and guess what? After a while, it gets boring.
Women! Take that and compare it to a man who makes you feel secure and can take charge and handle any given situation when glitches arise. Simply put, there's no room for child's play. And as for the younger man who is into a relationship with an older woman, for now it may be fine. But again, if you looked at the bigger picture many years from now, while you're still going to the gym or playing football, your wife or partner may be happily contended sitting in her rocking chair with hearing aids. Is that what you want?
My husband is 2 years older than me. And I personally feel, that is by far, the best age difference between a couple - from a physical and emotional point.
With that said, I asked my relative "so what made you bring up this topic - you're going out with an older or younger woman?".
Him: Younger.
Me: How old?
Him: 24 years.
Me: Dios Mio, send her back to her mama already. She'll give you more headaches than you ever bargained for.
Him: But she seems mature
Me : For now laa. New broom sweeps well, right.
And to conclude, he agreed with me.
Him: So I should end it with her?
Me : Yup, the right thing to do.
But then again, love is blind. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It's a gamble. Life's a gamble.
Letting Go
It could be a person, a food, a drink, a hobby, a habit or anything else that you become attached or addicted to. Most times it's ok and harmless. BUT, if what we love and like so much can actually be detrimental to us in the long run, it's another story. And telling ourselves to "stop, right there!" and get rid of it, is never easy. Especially when you've been holding on to it for many years.
It's like when you truly care for someone. You love them with all your heart and they know it? But they handle you like sh*t, treats you with close to zero respect and couldn't give an ounce of f%ck about your feelings. Eventually, this kind of love makes you sick, stressed, unhappy and starts to take a toll on you. It becomes a one-sided affair. This is an example of 'attachments' that I meant in the above paragraph.
With that being said, I've a confession to make. I'm guilty of being hooked on something that should've been thrown out of my life many years ago.
Therefore, I've made a decision. I'm planning on Letting Go.
February was a very peaceful and relaxing month for me. I had a lot of time on hand as I decided to push my heavy projects and assignments to March. Thus, I had the luxury to do a lot of thinking and reflecting. Particularly in one specific area of my life.
So, Hamed and I had a serious talk about this. An important, lengthy conversation. I needed his help with this. Because he had adviced me many times to get rid of this filth that had been present in our lives for far too long. He told me he'll be my 100% support all the way. And he said he'll do this together with me.
THAT, was enough motivation for me. To free myself of this poison that I was literally addicted to. I had contemplated doing it many times, but failed. And so I said 'Yes!'. Because somehow, it's something we both gotta do together - quit cigarettes. We are smokers! And he smokes way more than me. That is why when he said he'll do this with me, I was ecstatic.
I'm aware that it's going to be tough as hell to give up smoking. But making that decision to quit, was already a good start. And having him so willing to be by my side throughout this and being my support partner, is reason enough to give it a shot.
For the record, some years ago I tried using hypnotherapy to quit smoking. It didn't work. This time around, we will be using hypno sessions as well but we're doing it our way. We've got each other's backs. Let's hope it works.
Exposing myself to any kind of toxic that only gives me short pleasures now and then, doesn't really make sense. I'd rather have those good kind of pleasures that constantly keeps me happy - and one that doesn't burn out, especially during stress and challenging times.
Thing is, I've kicked out damaging idiots (there's more to go) from my life so easily. And if I can brush off humanoids from my life without breaking a sweat, what's a stick of cig! Right?
It'll be difficult, but I'll try, InsyaAllah.
It's like when you truly care for someone. You love them with all your heart and they know it? But they handle you like sh*t, treats you with close to zero respect and couldn't give an ounce of f%ck about your feelings. Eventually, this kind of love makes you sick, stressed, unhappy and starts to take a toll on you. It becomes a one-sided affair. This is an example of 'attachments' that I meant in the above paragraph.
With that being said, I've a confession to make. I'm guilty of being hooked on something that should've been thrown out of my life many years ago.
Therefore, I've made a decision. I'm planning on Letting Go.
February was a very peaceful and relaxing month for me. I had a lot of time on hand as I decided to push my heavy projects and assignments to March. Thus, I had the luxury to do a lot of thinking and reflecting. Particularly in one specific area of my life.
So, Hamed and I had a serious talk about this. An important, lengthy conversation. I needed his help with this. Because he had adviced me many times to get rid of this filth that had been present in our lives for far too long. He told me he'll be my 100% support all the way. And he said he'll do this together with me.
THAT, was enough motivation for me. To free myself of this poison that I was literally addicted to. I had contemplated doing it many times, but failed. And so I said 'Yes!'. Because somehow, it's something we both gotta do together - quit cigarettes. We are smokers! And he smokes way more than me. That is why when he said he'll do this with me, I was ecstatic.
I'm aware that it's going to be tough as hell to give up smoking. But making that decision to quit, was already a good start. And having him so willing to be by my side throughout this and being my support partner, is reason enough to give it a shot.
For the record, some years ago I tried using hypnotherapy to quit smoking. It didn't work. This time around, we will be using hypno sessions as well but we're doing it our way. We've got each other's backs. Let's hope it works.
Exposing myself to any kind of toxic that only gives me short pleasures now and then, doesn't really make sense. I'd rather have those good kind of pleasures that constantly keeps me happy - and one that doesn't burn out, especially during stress and challenging times.
Thing is, I've kicked out damaging idiots (there's more to go) from my life so easily. And if I can brush off humanoids from my life without breaking a sweat, what's a stick of cig! Right?
It'll be difficult, but I'll try, InsyaAllah.
Once A Stalker, Always A....
So hello there once again. And as promised 2 previous posts ago, here's my story about the stalker who surfaced in my life in 1998.
I won't go into extreme details and depth as reliving everything can somewhat be traumatising for me.
But here it goes.
As I mentioned in the Facebook post, this guy worked for me while studying at the University.
I employed him because he was pretty decent looking, was intelligent, very efficient and also had a strong command of English - which was an added advantage.
Over a course of 2-3 months, he went from being my worker to what I would say, a personal maid and eventually, a nightmarish stalker - all on his own accord. He started doing things for me which I never asked and his behaviour gradually took on a new pattern.
It started with my dinners. I would normally buy dinner from any of the nearby shops and would eat in the shop. So whenever he saw me coming in with the food bundle, he would quickly set aside a space for me on the table, clean the area, get cutleries for me and place it together with my food and drink - none of which was in his job description, which I kept on reminding him.
And then before I knew, he was walking me to my car every night, making sure I belted up and drove off before he walked away. This was normally about 1am, after shutting down the outlet.
Before you continue reading the following, which I've written in point form, bear in mind that there were many instances where my husband came very close to 'silencing' this person permanently. But it never happened because of my earnest begging and pleading with hubby not to do anything to this psycho. Why? Because my children needed their father to be with them, not behind bars serving time in a prison cell.
I went through a lot. Yep, I went through A LOT.
So yea, in brief sentences:
This was the person who offered to move in to my home to be my maid for free.
This was the person who whenever repair/service men used my toilet, he went in there and scrubbed the whole toilet spotless because he knew how repelled I was about strangers/outsiders using the toilet.
This was the person who once when I felt like throwing up, he opened up his hands and told me he was willing for me to puke on it.
This was the person who was jealous of every.single.male that I spoke to, including transgenders.
This was the person who once snatched the phone from me and cut off the line while I was in conversation with one of my male regular customers who was enquiring about a CD.
This was the person who while watching my sister's wedding CD with me at the store when we were free one day, saw me dancing with the best man in the customary 'maid of honour -bestman' dance, got so mad, took out the CD from the player and scratched it because he said he hated that the man was holding me on the dance floor.
This was the person who also got jealous of the 2 "funny faced" actors from Roxbury just because I watched that movie many times, so he thought I had a crush on one them.
This was the person who always playfully said that he was gonna kidnap me someday - where his mouth smiled, but his eyes weren't.
This was the person who refused to go back to his country for his father's funeral because he didn't want me hiring any other guys while he left.
This was the person who would hypocritically call me 'Kak Rin' in front of everyone else, but when were alone in the outlet, would call me 'Mrs (his name)
This was the person whose friend from Uni would one day come and visit me to let me know that he had a strange obsession with me.
This was the person who was jealous of my brother - because he never believed we were siblings and hated whenever my bro visited me at the shop and when we leave to go for drinks
This was the person whom I spotted a couple of times outside the empty RT pondok near my previous home at 2am-3am while I was coming home from outings whenever I never answered his calls throughout the night - whether I was with my hubby, family or siblings.
This was the person who could never hide the anger on his face whenever my husband visited me at the outlet where I salam, kissed my hubby's hand and he kissed my forehead. (Dafuq right?)
And finally, this was the person who narrowly escaped being picked up by thugs, hired by one of my uncles to simply finish him off. I never knew about this until months later when someone in my family accidentally mentioned it to me - which I was thoroughly shaken to hear.
So you see? I have legit reasons to be creeped out by this monster.
In 2002, I told him that he was a 'wanted' and 'hunted' man by certain members of my family. And that is how he disappeared.
And I was relieved and contented all those years. Until he resurfaced and messaged me on facebook in 2017.
And you know what makes my skin crawl whenever I think about him? Is that he had an extremely innocent face where no one would imagine the kinda things that went on in his head.
I've had my share of stalkers stalking me throughout my life. But this person, was by far, the worse among all those other devils!
I won't go into extreme details and depth as reliving everything can somewhat be traumatising for me.
But here it goes.
As I mentioned in the Facebook post, this guy worked for me while studying at the University.
I employed him because he was pretty decent looking, was intelligent, very efficient and also had a strong command of English - which was an added advantage.
Over a course of 2-3 months, he went from being my worker to what I would say, a personal maid and eventually, a nightmarish stalker - all on his own accord. He started doing things for me which I never asked and his behaviour gradually took on a new pattern.
It started with my dinners. I would normally buy dinner from any of the nearby shops and would eat in the shop. So whenever he saw me coming in with the food bundle, he would quickly set aside a space for me on the table, clean the area, get cutleries for me and place it together with my food and drink - none of which was in his job description, which I kept on reminding him.
And then before I knew, he was walking me to my car every night, making sure I belted up and drove off before he walked away. This was normally about 1am, after shutting down the outlet.
Before you continue reading the following, which I've written in point form, bear in mind that there were many instances where my husband came very close to 'silencing' this person permanently. But it never happened because of my earnest begging and pleading with hubby not to do anything to this psycho. Why? Because my children needed their father to be with them, not behind bars serving time in a prison cell.
I went through a lot. Yep, I went through A LOT.
So yea, in brief sentences:
This was the person who offered to move in to my home to be my maid for free.
This was the person who whenever repair/service men used my toilet, he went in there and scrubbed the whole toilet spotless because he knew how repelled I was about strangers/outsiders using the toilet.
This was the person who once when I felt like throwing up, he opened up his hands and told me he was willing for me to puke on it.
This was the person who was jealous of every.single.male that I spoke to, including transgenders.
This was the person who once snatched the phone from me and cut off the line while I was in conversation with one of my male regular customers who was enquiring about a CD.
This was the person who while watching my sister's wedding CD with me at the store when we were free one day, saw me dancing with the best man in the customary 'maid of honour -bestman' dance, got so mad, took out the CD from the player and scratched it because he said he hated that the man was holding me on the dance floor.
This was the person who also got jealous of the 2 "funny faced" actors from Roxbury just because I watched that movie many times, so he thought I had a crush on one them.
This was the person who always playfully said that he was gonna kidnap me someday - where his mouth smiled, but his eyes weren't.
This was the person who refused to go back to his country for his father's funeral because he didn't want me hiring any other guys while he left.
This was the person who would hypocritically call me 'Kak Rin' in front of everyone else, but when were alone in the outlet, would call me 'Mrs (his name)
This was the person whose friend from Uni would one day come and visit me to let me know that he had a strange obsession with me.
This was the person who was jealous of my brother - because he never believed we were siblings and hated whenever my bro visited me at the shop and when we leave to go for drinks
This was the person whom I spotted a couple of times outside the empty RT pondok near my previous home at 2am-3am while I was coming home from outings whenever I never answered his calls throughout the night - whether I was with my hubby, family or siblings.
This was the person who could never hide the anger on his face whenever my husband visited me at the outlet where I salam, kissed my hubby's hand and he kissed my forehead. (Dafuq right?)
And finally, this was the person who narrowly escaped being picked up by thugs, hired by one of my uncles to simply finish him off. I never knew about this until months later when someone in my family accidentally mentioned it to me - which I was thoroughly shaken to hear.
So you see? I have legit reasons to be creeped out by this monster.
In 2002, I told him that he was a 'wanted' and 'hunted' man by certain members of my family. And that is how he disappeared.
And I was relieved and contented all those years. Until he resurfaced and messaged me on facebook in 2017.
And you know what makes my skin crawl whenever I think about him? Is that he had an extremely innocent face where no one would imagine the kinda things that went on in his head.
I've had my share of stalkers stalking me throughout my life. But this person, was by far, the worse among all those other devils!
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